July 19, 2017 - 3 minute read -

I want to experience being terrified. I am unsure how realistic this is to do in a safe manner, however. BDSM allows us to experience a lot of emotions and sensations that might otherwise be unavailable to us and terror would presumably be one of those. I’ve read a fair number of write ups on fear play scenes, however, when I try to imagine myself in the shoes of the bottom, I can’t help but think I wouldn’t be scared - no matter how well done the scene was, in the back of my mind, I would know it wasn’t “real.”

From what I’ve seen, there seems to be a couple common forms of fear play. The first is kidnapping scenes. Even if a window where I don’t know the precise timing, I’m unconvinced that this would cause the emotion I’m going for. I’d immediately know what was happening and puff, fear gone. Kidnapping in addition to something else, however, might work.

Second would be to to take a limit and go full bore on it in the first experience. Let’s take for example, wasps. I don’t do wasps, or even mild tempered bees, not even a little. In fact, we’ll call wasps a hard limit. Perhaps with that knowledge an experience could be crafted that makes me think wasps are involved without actually involving them? On the other hand, if I trust the top(s) enough that we’re engaging in such a scene in the first place, the fantasy is lost somewhat.

Now, something that both amuses and terrifies out in the world is human behavior. Humans are fucking scary. But again, I trust my play partners enough so that I either, one, wouldn’t ever be scared of them, or two, if I did become scared of them during such a scene, it would likely alter the relationship significantly.

I do have plenty of friends in the scene that I trust - not just in terms of play, but in terms of who they are as people, who they choose to spend time with and, their general ability to judge people and situations. I think this offers the best chance of feeling terror. By negotiating first with someone I trust completely, they could then negotiate on my behalf with third-parties whom they trust but that I may only have a cursory knowledge of. Along the same lines, there are a plethora of skilled, experienced, and reputable professional dominants/tops - by trusting their reputation, but not otherwise having an existing friendship could be advantageous. This solution also means that if the scene goes wrong (or very very right for what I’m looking for) an existing friendship isn’t harmed.

This kind of edge play can be hard to work out because of all the parts involved. Additionally in my specific case, I have little idea what I actually want such a scene to look like. Could it be done one-on-one in an hour or two? Would it requires a groups of tops and a long weekend? I don’t know, because I don’t have a lot of good ideas for the scene itself. And frankly, what the scene itself actually consists of is of little concern to me. The feeling of terror is what I’m going for. In fact, having no knowledge of the scene would entail may help somewhat.

Fortunately there are opportunities for such scenes, notably at kinky camping events where you have an intentional community of creative kinksters and several days with no interruptions. With enough planning, I’m sure something could be planned.

Word vomit done.